Understanding enmeshed parenting and how to avoid it

27 May 2024
Posted in Parenting
27 May 2024 Justin Valderama

Have you ever felt that you were overly engaged in your child’s life? Perhaps you’ve witnessed parents who appear to have complete control over their children’s daily lives? This might be a sign of enmeshed parenting. Enmeshed parenting occurs when the boundaries between parent and kid are blurred, resulting in a lack of independence for the child. It’s like attempting to make a cake without letting it rise on its own. It simply doesn’t work. At Alchemy Tuition, we believe in encouraging independence while still offering assistance. In this blog post, we’ll discuss understanding enmeshed parenting and how to avoid it.

1. Recognise the signs of enmeshed parenting

First and foremost, we must understand what enmeshed parenting means. Consider a garden in which all plants are so connected that none will survive on their own. Enmeshed parenting is similar in that parents get too involved in their children’s lives to the point that they are unable to make decisions or pursue their own interests. Common symptoms include making decisions for your child, continually checking on them, and being nervous when they are not there. Recognising these early warning signs allows you to take preventive action.

2. Encourage independence at an early age

One of the most effective methods to avoid enmeshed parenting is to teach independence early on. Consider training your child to ride a bike. At first, you grip the handlebars, but eventually you let go. Begin with simple chores such as allowing them to select their clothing or what they want for breakfast. As kids become older, assign them greater responsibility, such as organising their homework or arranging arrangements with their friends. This not only boosts their confidence but also teaches them how to make decisions and learn from mistakes.

3. Support, don’t control

As parents, we naturally want the best for our children. However, there is a narrow line between supporting and controlling. Consider yourself a coach rather than a participant in your child’s life journey. Provide instruction and advice, but allow them to take the initiative. Instead of instructing them on what things to do, assist them in exploring various hobbies and determining what they love the most. This allows people to make decisions and boosts their self-esteem.

4. Allow room for mistakes

Mistakes are an important part of learning. Do you remember when you first learned to cook? You probably burnt several plates before getting it correctly. Children, too, require the opportunity to make errors and learn from them. Resist the impulse to solve every problem for them. Instead, assist and let them face their difficulties. This helps kids develop problem-solving abilities and resilience, both of which are critical to their future success.


Avoiding enmeshed parenting requires striking the correct balance between engagement and independence. It’s similar to tuning a guitar. Too tight, and the strings may break but too loose, and it won’t play properly. At Alchemy Tuition, we’re here to help you nurture your child’s development and independence.

Understanding enmeshed parenting and how to avoid it

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